So we are home and well, it feels so good!! I would be lying if I said all is easy, as it is truly overwhelming right now, hence the lack of a post. I have been meeting with the home health nurse and we have had appointments to make sure all is stable with Dominic. It has been a huge stressful adjustment trying to make sure I get the right amount of feeds into him at the right times ( he has to have an exact amount of fluids at certain times) and giving his meds on time, but overall of course, it is so nice to be home. There is also my trying to now take care of the others and explain to them that although I am home, I am not able to fully be engaged quite yet, which is difficult for them to understand. I would compare it to taking home an infant x 10 as far as the amount of work required! Again though, nothing compares to being home and seeing all of my babies again and nothing compares to the love and continual therapy he is getting from his siblings and the home environment!
When they had informed me that Dominic was not stable enough to fly because of his low hemoglobin and fever, I was, to say the least, devastated. At that point I could not hold it in anymore. I have to be honest, I was done, I cried non-stop. It seemed as if I would forever be in that environment of constant noise, stress and smells that never gave you a break, you could never get away. I had called my husband and let him know the news. Everyone at the hospital was so compassionate as they saw me grieve, they knew I was going through a lot. I wondered how God could do this to us, how could he continue to keep allowing things to be so difficult? Why didn't he hear my prayers? There were so many times that last week that I wondered what I had done to make God so angry, why was he so silent, why wouldn't he help us? I wasn't sure how I could go on, I even told the doctors this: I had no idea where I could go to get any more strength, I could dig no deeper, I was spent. And so while Dominic had his blood transfusion, I curled up in a ball next to him and did the only thing I could do and that was be there for him. I was grateful that he seemed to notice my presence and gifted me with many sweet smiles and coos, something that had been so absent in the past week, again reminding me to find the "little resurrections amongst the crosses".
During this whole ordeal, it seems as if God has sent people at certain times for exactly what was needed at that time, many times it was a priest, sometimes it was through the many messages of those I have not met before. God would speak just when I was about to give up hope, he would send someone special. He had another message for me as I walked around the hospital that day with Dominic. I was in the lobby and who did he send to save me this time? My husband. Mark had surprised me by flying back to Boston (he had drove home with the children earlier to get them settled and I was going to fly home with Dominic) and he was well, my prince charming :) I tend to be very independent most of the time and I think I don't need help, but let me tell you, when I saw him come in I collapsed, I needed him. At my very lowest moment, God sent my husband, as it should be :). I am so grateful for my husband, I am so grateful for his unconditional love, I am go grateful for his care. He took Dominic and told me he had a place for me to sleep somewhere other than the hospital, he would take my place that night. Boy, did I need that sleep! The next morning things stabilized with Dominic and as you know, we took the next flight out of there! Everyone was so happy for us as we walked out of there!
At some point I do want to do a post about the great doctors and nurses we had while we were there, they fully deserve it. We were so grateful that Dominic was cared for at Boston Childrens and we continue to be grateful for their ongoing support of Dominic's health. I also want to tell you about Dr. Meara's robot that he sent home with us so he can continue caring for Dominic over the miles :) but that will have to be for the next post as I see the next round of feeds is starting for Dominic, but I did want to share one more thing with you. As Mark and I were waiting in the airport for our plane we decided to sit in some rocking chairs (they line them up against the window looking out). Mark went walking with Dominic and as rocked there was an elderly priest who took a rocking chair from a ways down and scooted it up by our rocking chairs. I introduced myself to him and had him meet Dominic and Mark. We told him Dominic had surgery, but really did not get into too many details because the priest said, " If you will excuse me, I was just about to say my rosary and I must do that now". We of course respected that and were impressed by his devotion. At the end of the rosary, he walked up to Mark and started saying a blessing in Latin over him, it was pretty lengthy, Mark then got a phone call and he came over to Dominic and me. He proceeded to pray a blessing over us too and then he told me this:
"You need to know that God did this because of his great love, He loves you so much! He has three spots in heaven (he touched my forehead, Dominic's and pointed to Mark) that he wants you to fill and he is allowing you to follow in His footsteps. Padre Pio experienced the intense pain you experienced every second and with every step he took for 50 years. Remember next time it gets so difficult that God is doing this because of His great love for you, He loves you so much!" He then walked away. Remember I had been feeling so betrayed and like God really did not care, again, He sends someone to send His message of love. I was speechless and in awe that the prayer so deep in my heart, not uttered had been answered. What a lesson of the meaning of suffering this has been. I hope I can say that I will never forget the lessons learned, I hope I will never forget the many people I met in the hospital that suffer so much more than me. I am back to my spoiled princess life and not sure what to do with these new lessons, I only hope I never forget. Thank you for supporting us as friends, or more like family in the Body of Christ, those are lessons we are taking with us too, about the great generosity of people, I hope to never forget that either and to emulate this example in my own life and my familys' life. We are so grateful for all of you, again Thank you!!!!!!!